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May. 15th, 2013

lost

(no subject)

Nothing ever gets better. I want to say something deep and meaningful but the fact of the matter is that I need to go clean my own blood up off the bathroom floor.

Apr. 25th, 2011

too sad

(no subject)

It's the same everywhere. I have a good application but money is tight and no one was willing to be my graduate adviser. I'm scrambling to put in last minute applications at UC and UK but it's doubtful they'll have money for me.

Apparently NKU is going to be recognizing me for something or another on Friday. It all seems kind of pointless, after all, what have awards and accolades ever done for me? They didn't get me into graduate school, that's for sure. I kind of hate my life right now.

Apr. 17th, 2011

lost

(no subject)

It's nearly the end of April and I haven't heard anything from the graduate schools I applied too. I don't really know what I'm going to do if I don't get in; I have no plan B. This was the whole plan, this was what my life was about. It was going to make all the bullying from grade school through high school worth it. I was finally, finally going to prove to myself, and everyone else, that I was better than them. It was a way of proving to myself that all those people who thought I was a loser, who didn't want to be my friends, who made fun of me were wrong and that I am a strong, capable person. What do I do now?

Feb. 7th, 2011

too sad

(no subject)

"Come on, babe, I feel like I'm raping you."

Feb. 6th, 2011

lost

(no subject)

Conclusion: I literally have zero friends.

Feb. 1st, 2011

eating :(

(no subject)

I can't stand it, I can't stand it, I can't fucking stand it. I just want to crawl out of my skin, ugh, I'm disgusting.

Jan. 30th, 2011

lost

(no subject)

I just submitted my last application I had to do for graduate school. I don't feel the overwhelming sense of relief that I was promised; I just feel really nervous now.

Jan. 28th, 2011

high water

(no subject)

Managed to mess up on fucking weight watchers. God, I am such a failure, what the fuck happened to me?! I used to be so good.

Dec. 14th, 2010

too sad

(no subject)

I am a big sad sack of sadness and a fat fucking failure.

Dec. 11th, 2010

eating :(

(no subject)

I'm thinking on going on a diet because my boyfriend is moving to Florida and there won't be anyone here to stop me.

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